Bad Blood
by brokenxinsanity
Summary: Six years. Six, very long years. That's how long it had been since Alec made the biggest mistake of his life. When Alec gets hurt, the whole team sets out to find the one thing that can wake him from his Forsakened wound. But locating the one thing that can save him, proves to be more difficult than anyone thought.
1. Bad Blood

_The pain in his chest from the blade was no where near close to the stab of pain he felt when he heard Izzy scream as his body went numb, head smacking against the concrete as he went down._

 _Alec was in the dark. And it wasn't the kind of dark that came with a room that didn't have any lights on or when you were walking around at night in the country. This was not even the kind you got when you shut your eyes and wrapped your head in a blanket. This was the one that seeped in through your skin and filled the spaces between your molecules, the one that polluted your flesh into a permanent state of rotting, the one that wiped clean your past and your future, suspending you in a choking, adhesive solution of sorrow and despair. He was not alone in this horrible prison._

 _As he writhed in the weightless void, others did the same, their voices mixing with his own as pleas escaped from cracked lips and the endless begging for mercy rose and fell like the breathing of a great beast. From time to time, he was chosen for special attention, clawed monsters with fanged maws latching on, yanking and pulling. The wounds they imparted always healed as quickly as they were wrought, providing an ever-fresh canvas for their masticating artwork. Time had no meaning; nor did age. And he knew he was never getting out._

 _This was his due._

 _This was his eternal payment for the way he had lived his life: He had earned this place in Hell through his sins upon the earth, and yet still, he argued the unfairness to the others he was trapped with. Tough debate, though. There was little on the good side to support his bid for freedom; more to the point, nobody was listening. An ache filled his chest, so sharp that he sucked in a breath. A useless breath. Where he was - in the between of Life and Death - there was no such thing as breathing, or a sense of hope._

* * *

The cursed demon's blade stuck deep in his chest, his angelic healing inaffective against the wound. The blood that sat just under the surface of the gauze was blacker than the darkest night. Alec's body was traced with thin, dark angry veins. Isabelle was at her wit's end. Jace was holding onto his parabatai's hand, praying to the Angels that he wake up.

Magnus was trying his hardest to draw the poison out of Alec's system. It was proving to be much more difficult than he had hoped. All his magic had been expelled. Magnus grabbed a vial off the bedside table and brought it over to him, opened it and forced it to Alec's lips. Magnus forced the traded words down, tasting sour cherry syrup over shaved ice, bitter lemon peel, and spices that recalled a nameless sorrow. He held his hand over his mouth until he was sure he had swallowed it all.

It would take time, but Magnus was sure that Alec would live. He did everything he could to heal his external wounds. Now, it was Alec's turn to heal his internal wounds.

It was going to be a long way back from Hell.

Alec nearly choked on the god awful potion. His body trying it's hardest to reject the venom. It wasn't the first time he'd been poisoned. His body took to the effects quickly, shaking slowly but violently.

* * *

 _Even if he got rid of his demons, what would happen to his angels? He remembered his mother saying that Saint Anthony said, in his solitude, he sometimes encountered devils who looked like angels, and other times he found angels who looked like devils. When asked how he could tell the difference, the saint said that you can only tell which is which by the way you feel after the creature has left your company. If that was the case, then he had been in a room full of angels that looked like demons. His memories were there, but he felt as though he never left the bed. Never trust a demon. He has a hundred motives for anything he does ... Ninety-nine of them, at least, are malevolent._

 _The void of silence was deafening to Alec._

 _There's nothing more annoying than cold logic and reason when you've got a good fit going. Alec tried to resist the suffocating darkness, but he was so weak and tired. He wasn't sure how much longer he could hold on for._

 _Until a hand reached out to touch his cold skin._

 _"Alec."_

 _Somewhere, deep in his mind, he swore to himself that he didn't hear her voice. That he was just imagining her._

 _Was it real?_

 _The soft, gentle touch of her callused hand felt real._

 _"Alec, you need to wake up."_

* * *

"I can't..." Alec whispered.

Jace, Magnus, Clary and Izzy all stared down at him with raised eyebrows.

"Alec... Alec, what are you talking about?" Jace bent down beside his parabatai and took his hand once more. Alec's body shook, the fever never ending. Sweat dripped down his temple as Jace pushed a lock of hair out of his face. Grabbing a cool wash cloth, Clary placed it against Alec's hot forehead.

That got a reaction out of the older Lightwood.

Alec's body twitched and convulsed.

Magnus already had his hands out, attempting to free the young man from the prison of the poison.

"What's wrong?"

"There's no more poison in his system ... this, ... this doesn't make any sense." Magnus said, "He's healing - slowly, but something's holding him back."

"Look!" Clary touched the _bind to_ rune that was on Alec's chest, just opposite of his heart. The rune was dark and angry looking and it was bleeding.

"What the hell...?" Jace asked.

"Oh no." Were the first words to come out of Isabelle's mouth. "I know what's wrong with him!" She fled the infirmary, cell phone in hand before anyone could ask any more questions.

* * *

 _"Are you real?" Alec asked, holding her cold hand against his hot, feverish face._

 _"I"m as real as you believe me to be." She replied._

 _Despite his own inner cursing, his cheeks were slick with tears that spilled over his diamond eyes, a ceaseless flow he noticed and appeared not to give a damn to care about. And he had a feeling it was going to be a while before the leaking stopped-an inner artery had been nicked and this was the blood of his heart, spilling out of him, covering him._

 _"I'm so sorry." Alec whispered._

 _"For what, Alec?"_

 _"For leaving you behind. For your-"_

 _A cold finger touched his lips, shushing him into silence. "Don't. I told you to leave. If you hadn't ... you would have shared my fate. And we all know your light is what keeps you going. I couldn't have anyone tarnish that light - especially not him."_

 _"You would still be here..." Alec trailed off._

 _The callused hand that was pressed against his face traveled down to his bare chest, stopping when it reached the bind to rune, icy fingers tracing the rune as her eyes kept his gaze. "I'm always with you, Alec. Always."_

* * *

"Is there any way you can track a person ... even if you don't know if they're dead or not?" Isabelle asked.

"What?" Jace and Clary asked at the same time.

"I think, I know why Alec won't wake up - and why his rune is bleeding."

"Why?" Magnus asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Before Jace ... before the parabatai bond ... before everything, really." Isabelle rung her hands in her lap. "There was this girl .. "

Jaws dropped.

Including Jace's.

"Her and Alec were inseparable. She might have become his parabatai... had her father not tortured her."

What sounded like a strangled gasp came from Clary.

"Alec was caught trying to sneak her out of her house in Idris.. to save her from her drunk, abusive father. After her mother died, he spiraled out of control and Alec was trying to protect her, all while keeping her secret." Izzy sighed, looking at her brother's broken body lying on the bed. "He told her to run. But she refused - not unless he came with her. Alec insisted that he stay behind to give her a head start. He had her out of the house, they almost made it, but her father caught her by the back of the neck - She told Alec to run, forced him to leave her there."

Clary looked on the verge of tears.

"He hoped she survived her father's attacks, but when mom and dad went to check on her, the place was burnt to the ground. No signs of either of them. Alec... he fell into a depression. Barely ate, barely spoke to anyone for a year. He felt like he had lost his other half."

After a few moments of silence, Izzy spoke again. "I think she's still alive."

"How do you figure?"

Izzy looked at Magnus. "Because... his rune is bleeding. It's been six years and that rune has never bled, never done anything. I think he's feeling guilt all over again."

"How would we even find her, if she is alive?" Jace asked.

"Her father was a spy for Valentine ... I'm willing to bet that Valentine found out and kidnapped her." Izzy turned to Magnus. "Can you combine your tracking magic with Jace to help locate her? Using Alec as the beacon?"


	2. Darkness

_All of us live with a demon inside. Some days you control the demon. Other days it controls you. And while you may slumber, the demon never sleeps. It tempts you into crossing every line you've ever drawn, all the while it tests you, haunts you. And once it has turned your loved ones into enemies, the demon has consumed you whole. She could see his struggle. It didn't matter if his eyes were open or close - she could feel his struggle. His struggle with being what everyone wants him to be. His struggle to be better. His struggle to live up to expectations._

 _"I've got your back. Nothing alive will ever hurt you if I have breath in me. And nothing dead will hurt you if I don't." Alec had told her once upon a time, his arm squeezing her into a brief, tight hug. She looked up at him and smiled- a brief, very fleeting smile, but Alec caught it out of the corner of his eye. They crashed and collided in ways he didn't think were possible between two people. If he wasn't careful, he was going to be in over his head before he realized what was happening._

 _It's funny, really: the older you get, the more you know about the world. The synapses in your brain fire at a higher level and quicker function, your knowledge expands. But you lose part of yourself, that part able to imagine great armies that wait for nothing more than your command; the dragon that hides under your bed that only you can see, its long emerald tail flashing in the darkness; the ghost that lives in your attic that only moans at 3:23 in the morning. When you lose that innocence, the world's hues become dark and muted, and you know that dragons aren't real. There is no army. There is no ghost in the attic. But when you're nine? When you're nine, it's all probable, it's all realistic, and even more so, it's all true._

 _After all, tragedy didn't discriminate, so everyone was subject to the same whims of fate._

 _She wanted to believe him, but more importantly she believed in him, because she knew already that he was quite lost, more lost than she would ever be, and yet she still believed in him. Hurt shouldn't pile up like this inside of someone. No one should suffocate beneath pain on top of pain. You should have time to breathe, time to scream it out until it doesn't exist anymore. She almost looked in danger of being won over, but as if remembering her former frostiness, her face hardened. She stared back at him, and he knew they didn't have very long. But he didn't rush her because he knew that she'd seen things she should never had witnessed, and that right now, she was making the biggest decision she would ever make._

 _"Promise me one thing, Alexander Lightwood." She took his face in her hands. "Promis me that you will always find your way back to me."_

 _"Always." He answered not a second after she spoke and smiled at her. His eyes look too bright, the way the do in people who are in love, people who are enraged, and people who are completely bonkers._

 _She wasn't sure which one of those were Alec._

 _Maybe all three._

 _Or maybe it had just been the concussion talking..._

 _Blasts of pain shoved through his skull, dissonance so vicious it nearly shut down his consciousness. Uncurling his fingers with sheer force of will, he watched the blood rush back in. Last night had made it clear that he'd already crossed too many lines, broken too many rules. Soon, it would be too late to draw back._

 _But maybe that's what he wanted._

 _Maybe he wanted to not return to the way he was._

 _Maybe he liked the new version of himself._

 _In the silence, she felt the past and the present shift and mix, but that was a mirage. There was no way to comfort the lost boy he'd been back then._

 _But she had the grown male._

 _She had him right in her arms, and for a brief moment of whimsy, she imagined that she was never, ever going to let him go._

 _She wanted to say something smart and kind, put together some combination of words to reach him where he'd reached her with his. But the thing was, there was more courage in these revelations of his than she had ever shown anyone, and in a world that was full of taking and cruelty, he was fucking breaking her heart with what he was giving her._

* * *

Alec's body continued to shake violently as Magnus and Jace stood over him, attempting to track this woman that may or may not be alive. What were they supposed to do if they couldn't find her? What if she was truly dead? What were they supposed to do then? How were they going to save Alec? All these questions ran through Jace's head, it made it hard for him to focus.

Sometimes IVs and pills weren't always the best course of treatment for the injured. Sometimes all you needed was the touch of the one you loved and the sound of their voice and the knowledge that you were home, and that was enough to drag you back from the brink. And as much as we have free choice, absolute destiny is immutable. What is meant to happen does, through one measure or another. He was truly handicapped when it came to emotions, and falling in love hadn't changed that. You could lose the ones you loved in the blink of an eye— and he was willing to bet, when it happened, you weren't thinking about all the reasons that could have kept you apart. You thought of all the reasons that kept you together. And, no doubt, how you wished you'd had more time. Even if you'd had centuries… When you were young, you thought time was a burden, something to be discharged as fast as possible so you could be grown-up. But it was such a bait-n-switch—when you were an adult, you came to realize that minutes and hours were the single most precious thing you had. No one got forever. And it was a fucking crime to waste what you were given.

Have you ever had one of those moments when time just freezes? You know, when the world suddenly goes deathly still, and you could hear a pin drop, and the squishing sound your heart makes is so loud in your ears you feel like you're drowning in blood, and you stand there in that suspended moment and die a thousand deaths, but not really, and the moment passes and dumps you out on the other side of it, with your mouth hanging open, and an erased blackboard where your mind used to be?

That's what it felt like to Jace, standing there, with one hand on Alec and the other on Magnus - trying desperately to wake the elder Lightwood.

* * *

 _Alec didn't mind, falling to pieces. It's when he felt most alive. But this, this was too much. With a face that was both aristocratic and brutal, he looked like the king he was by birthright and the soldier he'd become by destiny. That's the good part of dying; when you've nothing to lose, you run any risk you want. He wished for death to take him, right then and there. He was not used to being at a loss. Usually, he was the gentleman with the plan. Every little detail cataloged and put in its place. But now he had no place, and the details were everywhere. Sometimes life offers you up that kind of dichotomy, that soul-shearing rift of two very different things happening at once._

 _The past doesn't change no matter how much time you spend thinking about it. Good and bad all add up to the whole. Take away one piece, no matter how small, and the whole changes. Whether it's optimism, pessimism or fatalism, I don't spend my time wishing for the past to be different so present would be different, too. He wished he could tell her that - make her see that she couldn't change the past, no matter how hard she tried. No matter how much she wanted to._

 _"Come on, Alec. Wake up." She whispered. "Don't give up on me."_

 _There was something about him, she couldn't put her finger on it. What had it been? Was it his mysterious nature? His dark hair? Striking features? God, she couldn't pinpoint the exact reason why she was infatuated with him. It wasn't love, for she knew his heart belonged elsewhere. Maybe it was the way he presented himself - like a soldier. Every essecense of his walk made it very clear - he wasn't afraid of who he'd become. He was very much in control and he liked it that way. There wasn't a single thing that would make her think that the man was anything but royalty. But she knew better. She knew. She knew his behavior masked several different thoughts and feelings. She wasn't a fool - he was afraid of his own mind, but that didn't stop him from concealing it._

 _All change begins with a plan, the success of which depends upon several things; depth of commitment, passion for one's course, willingness to embrace a new path, determination to overcome any obstacle and in some cases even making unnatural alliances. They say the passage of time will heal all wounds, but the greater the loss, the deeper the cut and the more difficult the process to become whole again. The pain may fade, but scars serve as a reminder of our suffering and make the bearer all the more resolved never to be wounded again. So as time moves along we get lost in distractions, act out in frustration, react with aggression, give in to anger, and all the while we plot and plan as we wait to grow stronger, and before we know it, the time passes. We are healed. Ready to begin anew._

 _"I don't want to." Alec said, scratching at the bind to rune on his chest._

 _"You can't stay here, Alec. This is not the place for you. You belong out there - with your friends and family and the people who adore you."_

 _"I don't want to go back if you're not with me." He whispered, looking her in the eye. Her hazel-green eyes stared back at him and then she sighed._

 _It was hard to explain. But what was between them went further than a marriage ceremony or a witnessed exchange of commitment. He couldn't put his finger on the why of it...but she was his missing puzzle piece, the twelfth in his dozen, the first and last pages of his book. It was the sort of bone deep emotion that made him want to hold her tighter with one hand, and draw a sword against the world with the other. Only her love could make him question every move he made, every choice. The only thing that had tethered him to the earth had been her and it was strange, but he felt welded to her on some core level now. She had seen him at his absolute worst, at his weakest and most insane, and she hadn't looked away. She hadn't judged and she hadn't been burned. It was as if in the heat of his meltdown they had melted together. This was more than emotion. It was a matter of soul._

 _Her cold body wrapped itself around his torso, and Alec nearly collapsed to his knees. Her body cooled his feverish one. She wrapped her arms around him tightly, squeezing him into oblivion._

 _"I don't want you to go ..." She whispered into his bare chest. "...but you have to." Looking up at him, she smiled softly and with a quick tip of her toes, she planted a small, delicate kiss on his lips before everything went black._

 _The last thing he remembered was calling her name into the void of darkness and getting no answer._

* * *

"Rowan..."

Jace was the first to look up from his seat. He stood, taking his parabatai's hand for the umpteenth time that day.

"Alec? Alec, can you hear me?"

There was no answer from the older Lightwood.

Jace wanted to curse the hethen gods for this punishment.

Clary walked in, holding two cups of tea, one she handed to Jace.

"Any luck finding this girl?"

"Izzy and Magnus are on the lookout with a few other shadowhunters. Simon and Luke also are out looking for her with the other werewolves and vampires." Clary replied, her hand resting on his shoulder. "Why don't you get some sleep? I'll watch over him."

Jace looked up at Clary, and for the first time in a while, gave her a small smile and stood. "I'm going to go help the others find her." His hand rest lightly against her forearm. "Call me, if anything changes with him."

"I will." Clary nodded.

She watched Jace take one last look at Alec's pale and bruised body before turning and walking out of the infirmary. Taking up residence in Jace's chair, Clary stared at the older Lightwood.

"You know... I never thought I'd be sitting here, talking to you like this..." Setting her cup down, she picked up Alec's hand and held it against her own. "You need to fight this. Whatever this hold is that's on you, you need to fight it, Alec. Jace... he's worried he's going to lose his best friend. Izzy's worried she's going to lose a brother and Magnus... well, Magnus is Magnus. He hides it well, but we all can see he's just as worried as the rest of us."

* * *

 ** _A/N: DUN DUN DUN. What do you guys think? Think the gang is gonna find this girl?_**


	3. Midnight

A few days had passed and she hadn't heard anything from Jace... or Izzy. Clary was starting to worry. She had just picked up her phone to call Jace when she heard the commotion going on just outside the Infirmary. Before she could move, the doors burst open and Jace came in, carrying what looked like a lifeless body of a girl. Jace laid her down on the bed next to Alec's. Her dark hair matched Alec's - short and spiky. Laying her down on bed next to where Alec lay, Clary got a better look at her. She was only in her underwear, having been stripped of her clothes. Her body was bruised and beaten. Every inch of her body was covered in fresh wounds and old scars. It was hard to tell how long she'd been like this. Some bruises were fresh - only a day or so old - while others were just painful reminders of the torture she'd been through. But most of all, Clary saw the rune - the same one that Alec had, in the same spot and it was bleeding too.

"Where'd you find her?"

"Valentine had her this whole time." Jace replied. Magnus and Jace's tracking led them to a small cottage in the middle of nowhere in New York. Valentine's men didn't stand a chance against them. When Jace got to her, she was barely breathing. The Iratze rune had barely kept her alive and he wasn't even sure she'd make it through the portal back to the Institute.

"She's burning up." Izzy muttered, grabbing a cool washcloth and dabbing it on her forehead.

As soon as the cool washcloth touched her forehead, both of the unconscious shadowhunters sucked in a breath.

"Alec!" Izzy went to her brother's side, taking his hand. "Alec? Can you hear me?"

"I have an idea!" Clary began to push the girl's bed toward Alec's. "Push the beds together!"

All of them did what she asked and stepped back.

The rune on either of them glowed a dark maroon color before disappearing, leaving behind the thick, black lines of the rune. The girl's hand twitched slightly, moving slowly to reach Alec's. Jace, Izzy and Clary watched in amazement as soon as her hand touched his, Alec's eyes fluttered open.

"Alec!" Izzy and Jace ran to their brother. "Alec! Can you hear me? It's Izzy."

"Izzy.." Alec whispered. "Stop worrying."

Izzy choked on laughter through her happy tears. She watched her brother turn his head to look at the person that was holding his hand. Alec's head lifted off the pillow. "Rowan?"

She didn't answer him.

"It's her, brother." Izzy grinned. "It's Rowan. She's back!"

Despite protests and the searing pain in all his limbs, Alec sat up gingerly with the help of Jace and Izzy. He watched Clary damp Rowan's forehead with a washcloth. trying to clean up the various amounts of dirt, grime and blood that plagued her whole body.

"Ho- How is that possible?"

"Your rune." Izzy answered. "It was bleeding. She was in Idris this whole time, a prisoner to Valentine. When you were hurt, it started bleeding."

"She must've been in New York when it happened." Jace shrugged, then looked pointedly at Alec. "How come I didn't know about her?"

"I thought she was dead..." Alec looked around. "Mom and Dad said there was a fire."

"She's been through a lot." Clary said, turning head, revealing a very ugly and angry cut along her neck. "It looks like someone's been trying to kill her."

The pain in Alec's chest made him suck in a breath. Jace and Izzy looked at him with concern.

"Alec, are you okay?" Jace questioned him.

Alec felt lightheaded, shaking his head slowly made it even worse.

"Lay him back down, he still has to heal." Magnus said as he poured into the Infirmary, carrying a tray of all different kinds of vials and potions and akward smelling solutions. Setting them down on the table next to Rowan's bed, Magnus dipped two fingers into a paste like substance and walked over to Alec, applying it to his chest wound that had broken open.

"You need to stay in bed." His dark cat eyes glared at him.

"What about her?" Alec pressed.

"She's weak, malnourished and physically and emotionally exhausted. She's going to need several days - if not weeks - to return to normal ... if she can, return to normal, that is."

"What do you mean?"

Magnus looked Alec in the eye. "She might not be the same person you remember. She was a prisoner of Valentine's, I can't imagine she'd be sugar drops and lollipops after all the torture and abuse."

He left Alec with that thought as he walked over to Rowan, applying the countless amount of solutions and potions that he had to various parts of her body.

Alec watched her, her breathing was shallow and weak, but there. She was alive. She was alive and she was here - with him. His other half, the missing piece to the six year long puzzle that he was trying to rebuild. But the question that remained was if she was going to be the same Rowan that he remembered or had all those years with Valentine and not knowing if someone was going to rescue her, tarnish her beautiful soul?

"Alright, I've done everything I can do tonight. My magic needs a recharge. Everyone out.' Magnus said, pulling a blanket up over Rowan and tucking her in gently, then gestured for everyone to leave the room.

Alec stopped them. "Clary... can I talk to you for a second?"

Jace raised an eyebrow at his brother.

Clary only nodded her head and walked back over to his bedside.

Waiting until everyone left, Alec looked at the redhead. "I.. have a favor to ask of you."

"Anything." Clary replied.

"Can you stay .. and watch over her?"

The question took Clary by surprise.

"Magnus ... he.." Alec's eyelids were heavy, his battle with consciousness was a losing one.

Clary smiled as she pulled the blanket up over Alec. "It's okay. Don't fight it. You need to sleep.. to heal."

Alec's eyes drifted closed now and muttered something in his sleep, that Clary could have sworn she heard as a 'thank you' before consciousness was lost to him. Clary gathered a pillow and blanket off another bed and got comfortable in the chair that was at the foot of both beds, so that she could watch over them both. The question that was in the back of her mind, was why her? Why did Alec want her and not Jace, or Izzy? Clary suspected that Alec asked her because he knew she wouldn't ask half a million questions. That she would just do accept it and leave it at that. She suspected that Alec didn't want to fight anymore. Smiling to herself, Clary watched them both carefully. Alec was resting comfortably, breathing evening out. Rowan, however, was breathing raggedly.

She felt sorry for the poor girl. Being a prisoner to Valentine must've been horrible.

It wasn't long before her thoughts drifted into slumber.


	4. Always

Alec woke to the sound of rustling. Head pounding, he propped himself up onto his elbows and looked around until he caught a glimpse of Magnus tipping another vial of some mysterious potion into Rowan's mouth.

"How is she?" He voice was hoarse, throat sore from dryness.

"She's getting there." Magnus said, handing him a similar colored vial to drink. Alec gave him a pointed look.

"Drink."

The elder Lightwood made a face before downing the nasty liquid like a shot. It tasted like week old pickles and went down like jello. It made him cringe and want to puke at the same time. He looked at his once battered and bruised body and saw merely faint scars. The wound on his chest was nearly gone. Internally though, he felt like his insides were ripped apart and were being sewn back together. The wound on his arm was nearly healed completely. On the outside, he was fine.

He couldn't say the same for Rowan.

Her wounds were still bleeding.

"Thank you, Magnus."

Magnus looked up and gave him a small grin.

"My pleasure... my bill will be in the mail."

Alec chuckled, swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood, swaying slightly as his bare feet touched the cold floor. Magnus was right behind him, holding him up by the waist.

"You shouldn't be up."

"I can't just lay here and do nothing." Alec replied, using the foot of the bed as leverage against his unsteady legs. Magnus kept a hold of him the whole time. Alec took a seat next to Rowan's bed and sighed. Up close, she looked worse. Bruises and cuts covered her body. Some time when he was out, someone put her in a large t-shirt.

Magnus pulled the gauze from her neck, grimacing as he did so. The wound was still as fresh as it was the night they brought her into the Institute. He took the paste that he had applied the night before and spread it over the wound. Rowan stirred in her fitful sleep, her fingers curling around the fist full of bedsheet clutched in her hand. She let out a soft groan before it turned into a blood curling scream.

By then, everyone had come to see what was wrong.

Jace, Izzy and Clary all looked concerned.

Rowan's back arched as she writhed in pain.

As his ears rang and his heart broke for her, he stayed strong against the gale force she let loose. After all, there was a reason why here and hear were separated by so little and sounded one like the other. Bearing witness to her, he heard her and was there for her because that was all you could do during a fall apart. But God, it pained him to see how she suffered.

He wished he could take her pain away.

Taking her hand in his, Alec sat down on her bed and held her hands down by her sides. Closing his eyes, Alec focused on her pain. Jace, Clary and Izzy saw the very faint, thin black lines that crawled up his arms. Alec shut his eyes tightly, feeling lightheaded. There was so much pain for one person, how was she still breathing? So much pain and agony, mixed with fear and anger. So much of it that Alec felt suffocated by it.

It took a minute, but Rowan's body finally calmed down, her breathing still labored.

"Rowan..?" Alec whispered, watching as her eyes fluttered open slowly.

"Alec?" She looked up into his eyes and saw him give her a small smile.

Despite both of their wounds, Alec gently lifted Rowan's head and held her while she clung to him like a broken child in need of healing.

"You're okay. You're safe." He brushed a few sweaty strands of hair out of her face as she buried her face into his bare chest. He planted a kiss into her hair. "You're home."

Those words made Rowan's body shake violently with tears.

Her body shook with a fit of crying. Something she hated doing with the passion. It made her feel weak. And around such strangers... it was even more embarrassing. But she couldn't stop the waterfall of tears. They fell into silence, both of them keeping their own secrets of what they'd suffered in the other's absence. She wondered if they were trying to protect each other or simply didn't want to admit to their own fears and weaknesses. It was as if they were made for each other. Her body fit perfectly into his. Like somehow, the universe was trying to tell him something.

Alec took a piece of her hair in between his fingers and twirled it around. "You cut your hair."

A few minutes passed before Rowan answered him, mumbling into his chest. "It was in my way."

He chuckled softly and Rowan looked up at him through thick eyelashes.

"You found me."

"Well... I didn't find you." His voice cracked the moment he said it, trying to shove his emotions back into their box. "Jace and Izzy did."

Izzy came over to touch her shoulder and Rowan gave her a small smile. Rowan glanced over Alec's shoulder and saw Jace and Clary, suddenly feeling self conscious.

Alec turned her neck to the side, examining the wound. "Does it still hurt?"

"No." She lied, hiding her pain under a thick wall of fake comfort.

Rowan let go of Alec and swung her legs over the bed and attempted to stand. A little wobbly at first, but she regained her balance and tried a few steps. She had just about made it around the corner when the shooting pain in her side shot up through her chest. She grabbed the frame of the bed. Pain. Too much, all at once. Every nerve in her body was on fire, her chest felt like an inferno that sent white hot spikes shooting through every part of her. It wasn't until a pair of arms grabbed her from behind, that she realized she almost hit the ground. Alec had caught her, her back leaning against his chest.

"You shouldn't be up. Come on." He pulled her arm around his neck and hooked his arm behind her knees, lifting her bridal style. "She can stay in my room, until she feels better." He told Magnus, then disappeared out of the Infirmary.

They all watched his back as he walked out.

"Am I missing something here?" Jace asked, looking around at the rest of them.

"That it's unusual for Alec... to be acting like this?" Clary asked. "No. We're all seeing it."

"You guys don't know the whole story. Alec's feeling guilt."

"Why?" Clary asked.

"Because ..." Isabelle looked at them with sadness as she walked past them. "... he couldn't protect her."


	5. Raising Hell

It took him some time, but Alec had managed to make it back to his room. Gently and ever so carefully, he laid the dark haired girl down on his bed.

"You don't mind me being here?" Rowan asked him after a moment of silence, looking like a sheepish schoolgirl who had gotten caught staring at the school jock.

"Of course not," Alec said, taking a seat on the side of the bed. "I'm going with the others to track down Valentine, so no one should disturb you. Except maybe Izzy from time to time."

Rowan looked down, playing with the hem of the thin blanket. "I don't think your friends like me."

Alec raised an eyebrow. "How do you figure?"

"I saw the looks they were giving you when you brought me here." Rowan glanced at him. "I could have walked, by the way."

"I know." Alec replied, letting the conversation drift off into silence. He could tell, just by looking at her, that she was struggling with the events of the last six years. He could see the pain in her eyes, how she averted her gaze, refusing to look him in the eye for more than ten seconds, for fear that he would see exactly how she had suffered. Hurt shouldn't pile up like that inside of someone. No one should suffocate beneath pain on top of pain. He could see her toughening up, working hard to put all those emotions away because she thought that's what it meant to be strong, it was how she was raised. He wanted to tell her that strength wasn't about hiding your feelings, that it was okay for her to feel this way after what she'd been through.

There was a split second where Alec caught Rowan's gaze, her soul was bare to him, the scars of her tragic past and her triumphs over pain and her aching need to find her place. He just wanted to hold her to him and tell her it would be okay, that she had survived and was beautiful.

"Show me your scars." He said.

For a moment, Rowan was stunned into silence. Her brain wiped clean of responses.

"I want to see how many times you needed me and I wasn't there." He whispered, tears welling in his eyes.

She couldn't believe it.

The infamous Alexander "emotions-are-for-the-weak" Lightwood, was on the verge of tears. It was the first real emotion she'd gotten out of him since she arrived at the Institute barely alive. Of course it would be when it was just the two of them, in a room with no one to hear them.

"I told you, Alec. It wasn't your fault." Rowan took his hands in hers. "I told you to leave."

Alec didn't say anything.

"Please, stop beating yourself up over this."

She knew it was useless to tell him that, he would continue to beat himself up over it until he found a way to truly make it up to her. She couldn't tell where his pupils ended and the irises began; looking into those eyes was like looking into a well where children had drowned.

"Well," Alec said, standing, clearly trying to rid himself of emotion. "I better get out there before they come looking for me."

Rowan nodded, watching him as he went to dresser and pulled out a thin black t-shirt, slipped it on over his head and grabbed his leather jacket that hung over the chair before walking out the door.

Every faction conditions its members to think and act a certain way. And most people do it. For most people, it's not hard to learn, to find a pattern of thought that works and stay that way. But our minds move in a dozen different directions. We can't be confined to one way of thinking, and that terrifies our leaders. It means we can't be controlled.

You either hang on to your morals and die or do whatever it takes to survive.

That was what she was always told.

She told herself that she didn't feel fear. But that was a lie; this was her fear, being left alone.

Alone with her thoughts.

Some people bring out the worst in you, others bring out the best, and then there are those remarkably rare, addictive ones who just bring out the most. Of everything. You want to believe in black and white, good and evil, heroes that are truly heroic, villains that are just plain bad, but she'd learned in the past that things are rarely so simple.

The worst type of crying wasn't the kind everyone could see-the wailing on street corners, the tearing at clothes. No, the worst kind happened when your soul wept and no matter what you did, there was no way to comfort it. A section withered and became a scar on the part of your soul that survived. For people like her, her soul contained more scar tissue than life.

She had scars. Alec had known that. She had mental, physical and emotional scars. She was a walking freak show of sorts, but he didn't seem to care. With each day she felt the barriers melting. Too much was between them, pulling them together at the same time as it pushed them apart. Their need for each other would always be in constant battle with the need to keep the other safe. Love wasn't forged by circumstance or changed by sorrow. It simply was. Fierce and free as the darkness within them both. Not everyone in the world is alike. And some of us are a lot more different than others. Some of us were born like this, some of us were changed. It was chosen for you. The truth is that your whole life can change with one split-second decision, and it doesn't matter if you told yourself you'd never do it or if you stepped into the moment with no intention of doing it. All it takes is for that one second of absolute panic when the solution shines right there in front of you, and you grab it... only to have it turn into ash in your hand. Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you.

She had attempted to get some sleep - anything to quiet the noise in her head.

However, her mind had other plans for her.

* * *

Once he shut the door behind him, Alec let out a sigh, leaning against the doorframe.

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. Rowan had not only smacked him awake, but dumped a whole bucket of ice water on him. Every nerve went white hot.

Magnus had taken the opportunity to come around the corner just then.

"I see you two finally came unglued." His smirk was present.

Alec wanted to wipe that smirk right off his face.

"It's not like that."

"No?" Magnus raised an eyebrow, walking along side Alec.

"It's hard to explain - It's like Jace and I, only different."

"Mhm."

"What?"

Magnus shrugged. "Nothing. I find it adorable, actually."

Alec gave him a pointed look.

"You know, we still haven't had that drink you promised earlier."

"Now, Magnus? Really?"

Magnus shook his head, eyes gleaming. "No, I figured I could use that as an excuse to get your lady friend drunk and then get her to spill all your dirty secrets."

Alec was very aware that Magnus could very well be telling the truth. His were the kind of eyes that held secrets. The kind that lied without flinching. The kind that once you looked into them, it was hard to break away. He couldn't escape him, now or ever. He'd always be there, consuming his every thought, his heart locked in his hands. He was drawn to him by forces he couldn't control, let alone escape.

"You're not going to be alone with her anymore."

Alec walked away from Magnus, hearing his booming laugh throughout the hallway behind him.


	6. Defiance

Another day went past, and Alec hadn't heard from Magnus nor Rowan. He assumed that Rowan was still passed out on his bed. At least, he hoped. With Magnus, there was no telling what that warlock was up to, really. He could be doing anything. As he walked down the hall, he passed his bedroom and peeking inside, he was right. Rowan was still fast asleep, underneath the massive amount of blankets and pillows. He had hoped she'd return to normal. Her strong, take-no-crap self. But he feared that it might take longer than expected, which he couldn't blame her, after everything she'd been through.

Stepping through the threshold, Alec attemped to make as little noise as possible, taking off his jacket and laying it over the back of the chair and kicking off his shoes. Fully clothed, he climbed into the bed, careful not to wake her. Rowan must've sensed that someone was there, because she instinctively rolled over to drape her arm over his torso and laid her head on his chest.

Chuckling softly to himself, Alec draped one arm over her shoulder.

"How was your meeting with Magnus?" He heard her whisper, clearly not asleep.

Raising an eyebrow, Alec lifted his head to glance down at her. She must have sensed his confusion, because she added, "I heard you talking to him when you got dressed this morning."

At that, Alec relaxed.

"You know," Rowan lifted her head, resting her chin on Alec's chest. "I should really sit down with this Magnus guy… have coffee with him, thank him for you know, saving my life." There was a pause before spoke again, "I'd also like to make sure he's dating material for my best friend."

 _Fuck_.

The corner of Alec's lips twitched a little.

His chest rumbled with her laughing. At him. At his stunned expression.

"Oh come on, Alec. I'm not an idiot." Rowan said, pushing herself into a sitting position.

Alec could picture his face at that moment, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.

"How -" He couldn't form a coherent sentence.

"How did I know? How did I figure it out?" Rowan grinned down at her best friend. "I may or may not have saw the warlock staring at your ass when you carried me out... and possibly a hint of jealousy as well. Although, I'm not entirely certain on that last part."

Rowan smacked his leg. "Although, if you need a surrogate for cute little neurotic warlocks, sign me up. They'd be the cutest little things around." She grinned at Alec's flustered face. "And I would totally spoil them. And then send them back high on cotton candy and sugar."

Alec smacked her with a pillow.

"It's not like that, at all."

"No?" Rowan raised an eyebrow.

"Nope."

She swung her leg over, so that she was straddling his hips, elbows on his chest.

"I beg to differ." She traced circles on his collarbone. "So... have you slept with him yet? Kissed him? Oh, how does he taste? Does he taste like a fine wine or do you just inhale a bunch of glitter?"

Alec struggled beneath her but she had him pinned, his face turning red. "Rowan!"

"Oh come on, Alec - it's been six years. I haven't seen you or got to tease you. Let me have my moment."

Alec sighed, stopped struggling and stared up at her through thick lashes.

It was finally becoming clear to her that love wasn't about finding someone perfect to marry. Love was about seeing through to the truth of a person, and accepting all their shades of light and dark. Love was an ability. And no matter how fucked up her past was, it was nice to know that she was still capable of the ability to love.

Rowan smiled one last time before laying her head back down on his chest. Alec wrapped her up in his embrace. "I just want you to be happy, Alec."

"I know -"

The door to his bedroom swung open and Maryse and Robert stood in the doorway.

"Alec, may we speak with you."

Rowan rolled her eyes at Alec before pushing herself off of him, landing on the other side of the bed with a huff. Alec slid off the bed, slipping on his boots and following his parents out of his room, shutting the door behind them.

As soon as the door shut behind him, Alec looked at his parents.

"What is it that it couldn't wait til morning?"

"Your father and I were thinking.. we need a solid union to bring back the Lightwood standing in the Institute and Clave's eyes."

Alec raised an eyebrow.

"We would like for you to get married, is what your mother is suggesting." Robert looked at his son, an indescribable flicker of emotion crossing his face that Alec wasn't sure he even saw in the first place.

"You ... what?" Alec's face must have betrayed him, because he saw a flash of annoyance on his mother's face, like she couldn't comprehend the fact that it just didn't register the first time.

Even though, Alec had heard her perfectly fine the first time.

He just refused to believe her.

Refused to believe that his own mother would be trying to control his future.

"The Lightwood's name has been tarnished, thanks to unsanctioned missions and going behind the Clave's back and we need to restore it."

Alec looked at her incrediously.

"Then have Jace marry someone, since it's his fault this family's name is in the mud!"

"He is not a real Lightwood!" His mother hissed, looking around to make sure no one had heard her outburst.

Alec was stunned into silence. There a moment of absolute clarity for him. Where suddently the rules didn't matter to him as much as they did. It all made sense now - what Magnus had been trying to tell him, how he should follow his heart, instead of what his parents wanted. It was like throwing care to the wind at this point. Something had been cut inside Alec. It was one thing to question his parabatai's actions, but it was another to question the position that he held in this family for years.

"And what do you see when you look at me?" Alec questioned. "Jace may make some very stupid judgement calls on his part, but he's a part of this family just as much as Hodge is to you. Or maybe that's not good enough, since he doesn't wear the circle rune." He saw the looks on his parent's face and didn't regret his accusations. "I'll protect the family name, but I refuse to do it for your pleasure."

Stepping aside, he walked past them, ignoring the looks of astonishment that adorned his parent's faces.

There was a moment of pause for him, stopping just outside his bedroom door, sighing softly.

What was he supposed to do now? Stepping through the threshold, Alec headed straight for the bed, kicking off his shoes and climbing back into the safety of his bed. As soon as he settled down, an arm wrapped around his torso and Rowan's head came into his line of view.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Because," Rowan said, her hand above his heart. "Your heart's beating so hard, it sounds like it's about to tear out of your chest."

"Just a disagreement with Mom and Dad, go back to sleep. I'm sorry I woke you."

Rowan yawned, before resting her head back down on his chest. "You didn't wake me."

She knew Alec enough by now to know the conflicting impulses that warred in him. He was conscientious, the kind of person who believed that the others around him were so much more important than he was, who already believed he was letting everybody down. And he was honest, the kind of person that was naturally open about all he felt and wanted. Alec's virtues had made a trap for him; these two good qualities had collided painfully. He felt he could not be honest without disappointing everyone he loved. It was a hideous conundrum for him. It was as if the world had been designed to make him unhappy. Rowan wasn't going to let that happen.

Alec smiled softly, dragged a blanket up to cover them both as he ushered her into sleep. Sleep didn't come so easily to him, his mind refusing to let him have peace as he laid awake for hours while Rowan slept beside him.

The next morning, Rowan woke to an empty bed. Alec's jacket and shoes were gone, along with his stele. What possibly made her even more sad was that he left her a note to meet him in the corridor at nightfall. She couldn't place it, but something was up.

And Rowan was going to find out what.

* * *

"I need a word with you, now." Robert said, pulling Alec away from a meeting. "Were you planning on telling us about your engagement before we left for Idris?"

"I'm marrying Rowan, and now you know. After all, it's what you and mom wanted, isn't it?" Alec said defiantly. He should have known word would get back to his parents.

"I think you misunderstood your mother's suggestion that you marry. We wanted someone who would help this family, not destroy it. Rowan St. Claire will bring this family trouble. She's been marked by Valentine, she will never escape him."

"You think Rowan is destroying this family? Why? Because she was kidnapped by Valentine or the fact that she makes me happy? It doesn't have anything to do with the fact that you were in the Circle then?" At the look on his father's face, Alec spoke again. "What did you think, I'd never find out? All these years, you never said anything."

"We couldn't." Robert tried to reason with his son.

"Is that the best you can do? You drilled into me that I was never good enough."

"It wasn't that. We wanted you to be better than we were."

"You wanted to sweep history under the rug. You wanted us to save you, restore the Lightwood name."

"Alec, you're making a mistake."

"No, I'm gonna fix what you broke. And I'm gonna do it on my terms." Alec left his father standing there, with a disapproving look on his face.


	7. Unchained

The corridor was quiet. Except for the soft clicking of Rowan's heels. Holding Alec's note up to the dim light, she read it over and over, going through her mind what he could possibly be up to. Turning the corner, something was tied over her eyes. Her fist reached out and was caught before it made contact with the person. She knew those soft, but callused hands. She withdrew her hand and with the blindfold on, ran her hands up his chest and stopped at his jaw, tracing the muscular jawline.

Yep,

Alec.

She heard chuckling, his breath tickling the bridge of her nose. They were a pair. One too afraid to feel anything lest he lose control of his ironclad hold on his emotions, and the other so hungry to feel anything that she´d risk her free will for one night of fun.

"I have a surprise for you." She heard Alec say, then asked, "Do you trust me?"

"Yes." The word slipped from her mouth before her brain even caught up.

As if that was enough, Alec's hands were on her waist, guiding her to wherever it was that he was taking her. Miraculously, she never once tripped into anything.

For some people, "the point of no return" begins at the very moment their souls become aware of each others' existence. This was true for Alec and Rowan. There will be a few times in your life when all your instincts will tell you to do something, something that defies logic, upsets your plans, and may seem crazy to others. When that happens, you do it. Listen to your instincts and ignore everything else. Ignore logic, ignore the odds, ignore the complications, and just go for it.

That's exactly what Alec did, as he removed the blindfold from Rowan's eyes.

The gasp that left her lips, made Alec smile.

Somewhere along the long walk, Alec had guided her through a portal. A portal that led to Idris, to their 'spot'. The angel statue stared at them. The same statue that was present when Alec promised to always find her. Rowan's eyes were big and bright, taking in the sight of her home - where she was born. Idris was such a beautiful place, that she had forgotten it's beauty after so long.

She turned to face Alec, "What are we doing here?"

"I figured this would be a good spot to talk - without other's interrupting."

Alec sat down on the grass beneath the statue and patted the ground beside him. Rowan took up it's residence not a moment later. "About what?"

"About what happened to you." Alec replied, watching her avert her gaze from him. "You seem like you're you, and everyone else may believe it, but I don't. Every time I look at you, and ask you about what happened in the six years you were gone, you look away from me." He grabbed her chin gently and made her face him - to his own surprise, there were tears welling up in her eyes.

There was a pause, before Alec spoke again. "Will you show me?"

It took a moment for Rowan to agree, one hand touching Alec's face, her other hand intertwined with his. Slowly, her mind was laid open to him. He saw the beginning - the first few weeks after she'd been taken, the countless hours she had to endure Valentine's outrageous torture techniques.

Alec felt teardrops on the hand that Rowan was holding onto.

Through all the memories, Alec's attention caught onto a single one.

Rowan broke the connection before he could see the whole memory and when he opened his eyes, she had her back facing him, but he could tell that she was crying hard now, her body shaking violently with ever tear that fell.

The memory was still fresh in his mind. He wasn't sure if he had imagined it, but judging by her demeanor, he hadn't imagined it. Only he wish he could have.

"Rowan.."

Her hand flew out to slap his hands away. "NO!" She choked out, shaking her head vigorously. "Please ... don't."

Alec didn't listen to her as he tried to reach out again, and he had caught her by her elbow before she could get away this time. Rowan flinched, physically cringed at his touch, for the first time since she'd been back. If there was anything more painful than having her try and get away from his touch, Alec would have gladly taken it over her fearing him.

It all became clear to him why she refused to look him in the eye most times.

"Rowan..." Alec tried to stop her as she got to her feet, furiously shaking her head.

She turned her back on him once again and started walking.

"Rowan!" Alec called after her. "Rowan, _stop_."

His voice, he instantly regretted it as she stopped dead in her tracks, flinching once again, her arms going across her abdomen, her knees giving out. He caught her, just barely, before she hit the ground, his arms going around her waist, keeping her in place as she let all her emotions out screaming her lungs out.

It felt like an eternity before she had finally calmed down, Alec caressing the once strong Rowan St. Claire as she curled up into a fetal position on his lap. Alec felt his guilt swallow him whole in the moment. He gently picked her up, thankful for her not putting up a fight.

A second later, he had stepped through the portal and landed back at the Institute, running into the others on his way back to his room.

"What happened?" Jace asked, raising an eyebrow.

Alec looked down at Rowan's tear streaked face and she buried her face deeper into his chest, hiding it from the others. "Nothing." He didn't wait for questions as he took off toward the hallway, towards his bedroom.

Once he reached it, he pushed the door open and just as he had done a handful of times ago, he laid Rowan down on the bed under the blankets. She curled up under the covers and hid her face from him. He bent down and kissed her head through the blanket before he left silently.

* * *

"You're seriously not considering Mom and Dad's plan, are you?!" Isabelle looked at her brother incredulously. Alec was taking his frustrations out on the practice bag in the training room when Isabelle stormed in, heels clicking at a rapid pace until she stopped just a foot away from him.

"What plan?"

"The one where they want you to marry."

Alec stopped the bag with one gloved hand.

"That plan."

"Yeah, _that_ plan," Isabelle echoed his words, crossing her arms over her chest. She had overheard the plan from Maryse and Robert and was so disgusted that she nearly ran in four inch heels over to her brother.

It made her look like a ten year old that wasn't getting their way.

"I thought about it," Alec shrugged.

He took up punching the bag a few more times before Izzy gotten in his way and he was forced to stop before he landed a right hook on his sister. Her eyes were like daggers, piercing his soul.

"Is this about the demon attack?"

"No." Alec lied.

Izzy saw right through him.

"It is! Oh my god, Alec!"

"What's going on?" Jace asked as he climbed the stairs to the training room.

"Alec's getting married." Izzy said, crossing her arms again.

Jace raised an eyebrow while Alec glared at his sister.

"Mom and Dad think it might be a good idea... with all the unapproved missions, they need to know that the Lightwoods still mean business."

"Yeah, but Alec - it's your future we're talking about!"

Jace agreed with Izzy.

Alec nearly threw his hands up in the air.

"Nothing is official, okay?"

He left them with that, gliding down the stairs with the ease of a trained shadowhunter. He headed toward his room, where he'd hope that Rowan would be. He found her fast asleep, Exhaustion must've taken it's toll on her and Alec couldn't blame her, not after the day she'd had.

A quick shower later, he had taken up residence in the chair beside her side of the bed and watched her carefully, his guilt choking him once again.

* * *

 _ **AN; ten points to those who can figure out what the 'horror' of her past is ... there's hidden clues within the other chapters, as well. ;) Happy Hunting!**_


	8. The Descent Into Hell Is Easy

"Isn't it weird how easy it was to take down those guards of Valentine's?"

"It was too easy." Jace nodded.

They were sitting in the meeting room, figuring out their next plan to wake Clary's mother. They found out they needed a special spell book and there was a glitch in their plan to get it. Camille, the vampire had it.

"I got a feeling there's something bad going to happen." Clary rubbed her arms together. Jace looked at her through thick lashes and smiled. There were so many things he could say to her, yet none of them would be enough to convince her that everything was going to be alright.

"How's Rowan?" Clary asked, when she saw Alec come down the stairs.

"Resting, the last time I saw her."

"Can we discuss how we managed to take down Valentine's men to save her?"

"Jace!"

"What are you talking about?" Alec narrowed his eyes at his parabatai.

"I'm talking about how she managed to just show up out of the thin air after six years of being off the face of the earth."

"What? You think she's a spy for Valentine?"

Jace was about to say something when Izzy burst through the doors of the meeting room.

"The cup is gone."

Jace gave Alec a pointed glare.

"Rowan wouldn't do this."

"You're failing to see the fact that you haven't seen her in six years, Alec! Six years! Do you know what can happen to a person in six years?!" Jace slammed his fist down on the table.

"I'm afraid the girl is gone as well." Magnus said, coming up behind Izzy.

Alec refused to believe that she would do this - not after everything she'd been through. He was about to say something when his breath caught in his throat, his hand going to chest. Izzy rushed over to her big brother, pulling his t-shirt to the side.

His rune was a dark, angry color with thin, ugly lines tracing the outline.

Alec managed to glare at Jace. "She's in trouble."

"You need to stay here, big brother."

"No." Alec looked at Izzy. "I'm not going to stand by and do nothing." He straightened up, fighting the stinging pain and grabbed his bow off the weapons shelf. "I'm not going to lose her again."

"Alec -" Jace grabbed Alec's arm

Alec twisted Jace's arm, his eyes ablaze.

"We went through a lot for your girlfriend's crusade. Now it's your turn. If you're not with me, stay out of my way." He let go of his arm and walked past the rest of them.

"No one blames him." Clary said.

"That never matters," said Jace. "Not when you blame yourself."

Jace hadn't seen that kind of anger in his parabatai in a long time. There was no way he was going to let him get himself killed over this vendetta. He owed him that much. Jace grabbed a seraph blade and ran after Alec. It was a bit of a reach, trying to keep up with him. Alec's feet moved quickly and quietly as he tracked her to Downtown New York.

Alec tracked her to an abandoned rooftop and when he reached the top, he found her bound to a pole, her lip split open. Jace, Clary and Izzy were right behind him.

"Rowan..." Alec gently took her face in his hands.

"Behind... you." She whispered.

Before Alec could react, he felt the searing pain in the back of his skull from something hitting him. Barely catching a glimpse of Valentine and his men holding Jace, Clary and Izzy with seraph blades against their throats.

"You said you weren't going to hurt them!"

Alec focused on her. Rowan. The beautiful dark haired girl that occupied his every thought. Her statuesque frame and piercing green eyes were only a few of the many things that entranced him. She wasn't afraid to get dirty, nor was she afraid to stand up to people she didn't like, which was why he liked her so much. She was a spitting image of himself. She could be a nightmare one minute and an angel the next. It was a delirious ride and he wasn't about to get off anytime soon. She was, in more ways then one, his addiction and he wasn't going to give her up easily.

"I lied." Valentine smirked.

Rowan struggled against her restraints.

Alec's vision was blurry, the pain in his skull taking over his thoughts as he was pulled to his feet, feeling the stinging of the blade against his throat. He tried to keep his thoughts together, attempted to keep his mind from slipping from him, but it was proving too difficult.

There were only so many kicks a dog could take before it turned vicious.

Something changed in Rowan, her eyes growing dark.

"Let them go, you have what you want, now let them go!"

Valentine smirked and ushered someone from the shadows. Rowan's eyes grew when one of the downworlder's brought him a child - no bigger than a stuffed animal - and laid the infant in his arms. Rowan's chains rattled again as everyone stared at her, except Alec.

He was look at the dark haired infant in Valentine's arms.

It all made sense, what he saw before.

Something had struck a cord within him.

He felt the rage, the unleash of a heat wave against his flesh.

"Don't touch her!" Rowan yelled, struggling.

Valentine only grinned.

"Let her go." Alec's voice was barely above a whisper.

Valentine turned to look at him, an eyebrow raised.

" _Let her go_." Alec said a second time.

There was something off about Alec - something was driving him as he stuck his elbow into his captor's chest, knocking him down. The seraph blade was against Valentine's throat in a split second. Clary, Jace and Izzy looked confused.

Behind Rowan, stood Magnus as he undid her chains, then he vanished.

Only to reappear beside Valentine, taking the infant from his arms and disappearing once more.

A dark, menacing smirk took residence on her thin, blood stained lips as she stood. If there was any time to be scared of the young woman, it was then. She looked positively devilish. She had all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for rage and disgust. She felt lethal, on the verge of frenzy. Her mask of sanity was about to slip.

In a split second, Rowan had taken the seraph blade from Alec's hand and swung at Valentine, missing by an inch. Her eyes burned, her muscles ached, but in some strange and secret place, she was happy to finally be doing something that wasn't just protecting herself, but protecting other people, too. Valentine hissed at her and suddenly, they were surrounded by downworlders and shadowhunters alike, It took some time, but Rowan had managed to get her fighting skills back after so long stuck as Valentine's prisoner.

One downworlder had struck Alec from behind. Rowan felt the tip of the blade slice through the skin, heard the gasp that left Alec's lips before he fell to his knees, heard her own voice yelling as her feet carried her over to him.

Jace was already by his parabatai's side, having taken down the demon.

"Alec! Stay with me!" Rowan shielded Alec's body from a demon, slicing through the parasite in one go, her hands stained with blood.

Alec's blood.

Simon, which Rowan had only met briefly, had come to her rescue against another demon that she couldn't fend off. Then, with swift precision, he had picked the older Lightwood up and fled the scene. Rowan wasn't sure where he'd taken him, but when she couldn't find Clary in all the chaos, she figured he'd taken him to the Institute.

She focused her attention onto Valentine.

Rowan wanted to make him pay for all the things he put her through.

The two of them might as well have been alone. It was the kind of look that people in love exchanged, or people who were about to kill each other.

Jace had decided on the latter.

An intense battle broke out between the two of them, Rowan fighting for her freedom, and Alec and Valentine fighting just for power and nothing else.

Just when she thought she had the upper hand, Valentine had stabbed her, the blade cutting through her side and into her arm. She cried out in agnoy, the burning sensation so familiar.

Back at the Institute, Magnus, Simon and Clary watched as Alec cried out in pain at the same moment.

Feeding the burning sensation even more, Valentine's hand struck her face, knocking her to the ground. Rowan could barely see, let alone breath. Somewhere off in the distance, the downworlders screamed and she heard growling. The wolves had come to help them. Jace had come over to her, along with Izzy. He tried to pick her up, but she screamed in pain, coughing up blood.

"Tell Alec -"

"You can tell him yourself." Jace said, his tone holding finality to it as he picked her up, ignoring her cries of agnoy and raced back to the Institute.

The infant knew nothing of the commotion going on as she slept in a makeshift crib. Magnus worked quickly to stop the poison from spreading within his lover's bones as the doors burst open, Jace stepping through with a beaten and battered Rowan in his arms.

"My god."

"She's dying. The _iratze_ isn't working." Jace said as he laid her down on the bed next to Alec's.

Magnus pulled the bloodied shirt from her skin, grimacing as he did. Beneath the blood stained shirt, was a deep wound. Magnus could see flesh ripped from the bone, just hanging there. There was barely time to register the fact that they had been in this position before, only a few months ago before Rowan's heart began to slow.

Alec felt it. Despite the poison in his body, infecting his bloodstream, he opened his eyes and looked over at her, her deathly pale face staring straight ahead, as if she was already gone. Maryse and Robert had walked in just then, the sight of their son laying in agony tore at the Lightwoods. Maryse went over to her son's beside and held his hand, pushing strands of his hair away from his face. Jace saw Alec's gaze and quickly went over to him, keeping him from moving.

Magnus tried everything his magic could do and yet, despite everything, nothing was working. Her heart was weakening and it was barely beating. It was the look on Alec's face, that made up Clary's mind. She went over to Rowan and pulled her stele out of her pocket. Pressing it against the older girl's forearm, she drew a new rune, a mix of the _iratze_ and _love_ rune. The only thing that was going to save her, was Alec's love for her. The last flick of her stele and Clary watched as the girl's eyes closed, and it seemed like it hadn't worked. Clary was just about to lay in the towel when Rowan gasped for a breath and grabbed her arm.

"Where is she...?" Rowan gasped, her hand going to her side, blood coating it within seconds.

"Who?" Clary asked.

"My daughter.." Rowan eyes welled up before consciousness was lost to her.

* * *

 **AN: ANNNNNNNNNNNND... cliffhanger. I'm sorry. Don't hate me. ;) Let me know what you think?**


	9. He Comes Undone

It had been going on for a month now. The same thing. Rowan had yet to wake up. Alec had healed after a week and a half of being in the Infirmary, but he still spent his time in the same chair he'd been in since he felt well enough to stand. He spent days, even nights just sitting in the chair, staring at the pale face of Rowan, barely breathing. Alec's depression came back to him, full force, when he woke and saw her like this. After everything they'd been through, neither of them got the chance to enjoy life. The infant slept soundly next to him in her swing. Alec had demanded that they leave her in the Infirmary, hoping that it might wake Rowan one day. He hoped maybe one day she would hear her crying and wake up. He could only hope. Hope was all he had left.

A hand gently touched his shoulder and Alec never bothered to look to see who it was. Magnus stood beside him, holding a cup of coffee and a bottle.

"You should eat something."

"Not hungry." Alec replied, taking the cup of coffee from him and setting the bottle on the bedside table for when Rowan's daughter woke from her slumber. He continued to stare at her pale face, sighing soflty.

He felt Magnus' hands go to his shoulders, lightly rubbing them between his palms. Alec wanted to shrug him off, but his aching muscles never gave him the chance to.

"Why don't you go and get something to eat? Clary's offered to watch over the two of them to let you get some fresh air." Magnus practically pleaded with the elder Lightwood to leave the chair that he had taken up residence in.

"I said I'm not hungry, Magnus." Alec said, his tone final.

Over the past month, Alec and Magnus had gotten closer, to a point where Magnus practically had to drag Alec away from Rowan's bedside, just so the young Shadowhunter could get some rest. It didn't happen very often, though. Alec was still as stubborn as ever. And tonight was no exception. His feelings for Magnus were like an oil spill; he'd let them overflow and now there wasn't a damn place in the ocean that wouldn't catch fire if he dropped a match. You never know when, and you never know who, but someday a stranger will burst through the door of your life and transform it utterly. The world will be turned upside down, and you will be happier for it. He and Magnus, they were in love, of the realest, truest kind. Well maybe some thought he wasn't, but Alec wasn't the type of person to go showing off his affection, other than to his sister or mother. Or Max. They were exceptions. He felt something he'd never felt before - but he had a sinking sensation that he recognized it anyway. He was pretty sure he felt like he was in love.

Magnus nodded and left the room without another word, shaking his head at Clary on his way out. There was one of his loneliness's coming, one of those times when he sat, aimless and depressed. It was a self-absorption with no comfort, a demand for expression with no outlet, a sense of time rushing by, ceaselessly and wastefully - assuaged only by that conviction that there was nothing to waste, because all efforts and attainments were equally valueless. Alec couldn't stop the thoughts from running through his mind, the thought of losing her to something as trivial as Death itself. He had no illusions about his addiction to her. She had her fingers sunk firmly into his heart, and could do with it what she wished.

In books or movies, people in Rowan's condition were either buried or stuffed into a glass coffin to await true love's kiss. It was her favorite thing in the world, Alec thought sadly. The trivial mundane fairy-tales. Despite her bad ass exterior, he knew Rowan longed to be protected, so she didn't have to protect herself, longed to be swept off her feet to a far away land, away from all the dangers of the world. Maybe she was better off there? Maybe, Alec thought, maybe she was better off in this state - away from the world, no worries, no problems. Maybe she was better off this way.

The point wasn't that you tried to live forever; the point was that you lived, and did everything you could to live well. The point was the choices you made and the people you loved.

A small cry came from the infant beside him. Alec looked down at her, the splitting image of mother and gently took her from her swing, settling her in the crook of his arm as he reached for the bottle. The small infant took it willingly and hungrily, sucking away at her heart's content. He remembered helping his mother feed Max when he was this little. It amazed him, how fast time went by when you least expected it.

Alec tilted his head to the side, to see who had come up behind him. The gentle touch of his mother's hand on his shoulder made him wish everyone would just leave him alone. He didn't know whether or not his best friend was going to live or die and all Alec wanted was peace to enjoy what little moments he had left to spend at her side. Instead, he had his family and friends bugging him every chance they got.

"She's beautiful." His mother smiled softly down at the infant, brushing her hand softly over the baby's head. So soft... so precious, she thought. "I remember when you were this little. You were cute at that age." She grinned at him when his gaze lifted toward her.

Jace, Clary and Izzy had all walked in. "Alec ..." Jace said as he stepped over to his parabatai and gently patted his shoulder. "I'm sorry. For thinking she was a traitor."

Alec looked up at him, nodding. "It's okay." He looked back down at the infant in his arms. "To be honest.. I knew of her for awhile. I tried to get Rowan to let me in.. and.." He paused, attempting to shove his emotions back into their cage. "We have to find Valentine. He has to pay for what he's done."

"We'll find him." Clary nodded, along with the other two.

"Why don't you go rest for a little bit?" His mother questioned. "You're eyes are bloodshot and you need to sleep, my son."

"We'll take turns watching over them. We'll come and get you if anything changes." Clary added, nodding between his mother and her.

"Come on, Alec." Jace pleaded with his brother.

Maryse wasted no time in taking the tiny infant from Alec's arms, where she was quiet and content. Jace had grabbed Alec's arm and pulled him up and out of the chair, Maryse taking Alec's seat as he did, so that Alec couldn't protest. His bones ached and longed for a peaceful night's rest, but Alec couldn't bring himself to do it. He couldn't bring himself to leave her side. Not after he had lost her the first time. Jace wrapped his arm around Alec's waist to steady him and, along with Izzy, they took Alec back to his room, promising they would come get him if something changed.

The walk to his room was a stressful one, Alec struggled with himself, struggled with the fact that he wanted to go back to Rowan. He wanted to call Magnus and beg him to do everything he could to wake the fallen shadowhunter. Jace must have sensed this, because he and Izzy tightened their grip on him as they practically dragged his to his room.

When they reached his room, Alec felt his muscles give out as he climbed into his bed, exhaustion taking over him. Unaware of how exhaust he was, Alec barely registered Jace and Izzy climbing into the bed on either side of him, keeping an eye on him. Izzy had taken Alec's hand and Jace took his other hand, letting him know that they were there for him silently, as exhaustion took hold over the older Lightwood and he drifted off into a slumber.

* * *

 **AN: My feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeels. Holy crap, guys.**


	10. Closer

Life plays the same lovely and agonizing joke on all of us.

To be a Shadowhunter was to live in the Shadow of Death.

Until at last, they could pause and let the arrows fall harmlessly around them.

Alec had thought he was stuck in a nightmare - one where he couldn't wake. Rowan laid on the bed, lifeless. His best friend, the girl who knew him inside and out and probably better than his own sister did, was dead. He had the strangest sensation of floating, of drifting farther and farther away with nothing and no one to cling to. He was standing right beside her, but the distance between them had split into the kind of canyon that Alec couldn't jump across. But the worst part of it all? He saw the arrow sticking out of her chest, and he held the bow that had shot the arrow. He tried to pretend the scene wasn't real. That it was all a dream. Dreaming led to disappointment, and disappointment to a kind of depressed funk that wasn't easy to shake. Better to stay in the gray than get eaten by the dark. He could hear her voice in the back of his mind, whisper words of encouragement, tell him he was born to chase the light. But he couldn't chase the light if he felt suffocated by the darkness. That was the dangerous thing about dreams-how quicly you became tangled in it all. People naturally let their guard down when they slept.

Magnus had intertwined his fingers with Alec's while he slept, gently running his fingernails down the side of his temple. Jace and Izzy had left with Clary to track down Valentine and Maryse was entertaining the little infant that had captured Magnus' heart the moment he set eyes on her. It was weird, to say the least. As he slept, Magnus could see that his stubborn attitude was gone and so was his guard. People always let their guard down when they slept. He wanted to pick his brain, to see what was Alec Lightwood - at the core, but he knew that to be a terrible idea.

Imagine someone reaching straight into your chest, past the bones and blood and guts, and taking a nice firm hold on your spinal cord. Now imagine that they start shaking you so fast, the world starts bulging and buckling under you. Imagine not being able to figure out later if the thought in your head is really yours or an unintentional keepsake from someone else's mind. Imagine the guilt of knowing you saw someone's deepest, darkest fear or secret...

Magnus couldn't do that to him.

He could feel Alec tense beside him, like he was having a fit. Like something wouldn't let him have a peaceful slumber. He felt terror and desperation radiate from the elder Lightwood. That is, until Alec shot up like wildfire in bed, breathing heavy, as if he'd just run a mundane marathon. Magnus couldn't tell if he was more surprised that he was in his bed or whatever it was that had disturbed his sleep. Still, the image haunted his dreams throughout the night: Rowan, with her blood on his hands.

There had never been any line between them, only his own stupid fear and pride. His darkness appealed to Magnus, just as much as his innocence did. There are different kinds of darkness. There is the darkness that frightens, the darkness that soothes, the darkness that is restful. There is the darkness of lovers, and the darkness of assassins. It becomes what the bearer wishes it to be, needs it to be. It is not wholly bad or good.

"You're okay." Magnus said, patting him on the back gently.

Alec tried to control his breathing. "I - bad dream." He said.

Magnus had nodded his head, pushing back sweaty strands of hair from Alec's face.

"Wanna talk about it?" Magnus asked.

Alec shook his head. He couldn't. It was as though, speaking about it made it real and Alec refused to believe it. Instead, Alec wrapped his arm around Magnus' waist and pushed him back down on the bed, tugging him tightly against him, burying his face in the crook of Magnus' neck. Magnus pulled the blankets up over them, pressing a light kiss in Alec's hair, rubbing light circles on Alec's back.

It didn't take long for Alec to fall back asleep, thanks to Magnus.

When Alec was on the verge of sleep, Magnus cast a spell on him - to keep the nightmares at bay. It seemed to work, as Alec slept soundlessly on Magnus' chest.

The sun was just about to rise over the horizon when Magnus woke to the sound of Alec's bedroom door being opened. Jace walked in, raising an eyebrow at the scene before him.

"He gonna be okay?" Jace asked, looking at Alec's sleeping form draped over Magnus.

"He had a rough night. He won't be awake for twelve hours."

"Twelve?" Jace asked as Magnus pulled himself from underneath Alec and stood.

"Yes, that's how long the spell's for." Magnus said, slipping on his shoes.

"You spelled him?" Jace raised another eyebrow. "He won't be happy about that."

"What Alexander doesn't know, won't kill him." Magnus gave Jace a pointed look.

"They need you in the infirmary." Jace said as Magnus walked past him. "Rowan woke up in the middle of the night."

That peaked Magnus' curiousity.

Could it have been...? Magnus thought, before looking at Jace. "Around what time?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Jace asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Just answer the question."

"Around two in the morning. Why?"

Magnus glanced over at Alec's sleeping form, muttering to himself. "That's interesting."

Before Jace could get a word out, Magnus was gone in a puff of smoke, assuming to check on Rowan in the infirmary.

Jace sat down on the bed beside Alec and watched him closely. It had been awhile since he'd seen Alec at peace. There was nothing to hide the older Lightwood. Somewhere deep in his slumber, Alec reached out - grasping Jace's forearm. Jace chalked it up to him thinking he was Magnus.

Until he spoke.

"Jace." The sleepy shadowhunter whispered.

"Yeah, Alec?" Jace raised an eyebrow.

There was about a minute pause and Jace was all just about to check to see if Alec was still coherent when Alec spoke again, stunning Jace into silence. "I love you."

There come a point in your life where you reach a certain level of insanity.

Jace had reached that level.

Instead of pulling away, Jace laid down on the bed next to Alec. The small gesture seemed to satisfy Alec as his chest evened out and he drifted back into slumber.


	11. Heartbreaker

It was about midday when Alec woke from his magic induced slumber. Jace had stayed with him through the night, keeping Alec company.

That, and Alec wouldn't let go of Jace's arm.

On the other side of the Institute, Magnus had been working through the day to heal Rowan.

The girl had become a magnet for danger and it seemed as though Magnus was the on-call warlock to come and fix it. Which, he did not mind, since it meant he got to see Alec a lot more. But that didn't mean it wasn't physically and mentally exhausting.

However, this day didn't seem so bad, as Magnus got to play with Rowan's little girl.

"Thank you, again, Magnus." Rowan said, as she lifted herself into a sitting position.

Magnus held the little infant against his chest, gently tapping her back as he bounced on his heels. He smiled at Rowan, appreciative of her thanks.

"Sure you don't want this?" Rowan grinned, as she reached over to the bedside table and grabbed the burp cloth, wincing as she did.

"You do know I have magic right?" Magnus replied, continuing the bouncing motion.

Rowan just grinned at him.

Magnus stopped short, raising a single perfect eyebrow. "That's right, I don't know her name. What is her name?"

"Alexandria Isabelle."

Magnus' eyes widened a little and when little Alex started fussing, he picked up the bouncing again.

"I wanted her to have the best chance at life -" Rowan rung the blanket between her hands. "- what better way than to have the two most powerful Shadowhunters?"

"It's a wonderful name." Magnus grinned. "So long as I get to spoil."

On the side of the door, Alec and Jace could hear Rowan laughing. Pushing open the door, they were greeted by Rowan laughing and Magnus holding a cooing Alex. Magnus turned around to see Alec smirking.

"Not a word, Alexander."

"You ... you got a little something right here." Jace said, pointing at his own shoulder.

"Alec, it's good to see you looking rested." Rowan gave Magnus a side look.

Jace caught it.

And it didn't take a genius to figure out why.

"I see you feel better." Alec said coming over and sitting down on the side of the bed, playing with Alex's little feet when Magnus bounced by him, grinning.

"I heard what you did for her - keeping an eye on her." Rowan smiled, gently squeezing Alec's arm.

"Alexander," Magnus grinned, setting the infant in Alec's lap. "-meet Alexandria."

There was a look of stunned silence on Alec's part.

Jace was grinning like an idiot.

"Let's just hope she doesn't pick up his stubborness." Jace muttered.

Rowan grinned as Alec gave his parabatai a dark look. Then, he turned to Rowan.

"You do realize... she's half Morgenstern, right? She's related to Clary."

"I tried not to think about that, thank you." Jace narrowed his eyes at her.

"But she's half and that... is more powerful than anything." Alec said, making funny faces at Alex.

Rowan couldn't wipe the funny smile off her face.

Magnus was practically beaming with joy, watching Alec.

Naturally, it was adorable.

Isabelle and Clary took their turn to walk through the Infirmary then.

"We heard rumors you were awake! Oh by the Angel! She's so cute when she's awake." Isabelle took Alex from Alec's arms and snuggled the infant, inhaling that wonderful new baby smell. "What's her name?"

"Alexandria Isabelle."

Isabelle nearly fainted.

Jace took Alex from Izzy, which left open invitation for Izzy to climb up on Rowan's bed and smother her to death with a bear hug, with Alec laughing in the background.

"That is so cute! By the Angel she's going to be one kick ass Shadowhunter! Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"Okay.. Iz... Izzy, get off me." Rowan struggled to push the girl off her.

"Isabelle, you're going to rip her wounds open." Magnus said.

Izzy gasped and scrambled off Rowan.

Magnus lifted the tank top on Rowan's left side, checking the wound, sighing in relief that it wasn't broken open and he didn't have to use magic on it.

"Okay, everyone out. Let her rest." Magnus said, shooing everyone out, taking Alex from Jace and turned to Rowan. "I'll take her back to my place til you feel up to getting up, okay?" Rowan nodded in agreement, grabbing Alec's hand.

"Stay a minute?"

Alec nodded, watching as Magnus was the last to leave the Infirmary, carrying a bubbly Alex.

Rowan did nothing to try to control the shakes that rattled her body,and didn't attempt to stop herself from crying. Alec pulled her close to him, wrapping his arms around her, his chin on her head.

You never realized how thick your fog was until it lifted.

A slow, deeply satisfied smile came over him, and his breath quickened. "She's beautiful, by the way." He whispered softly.

"Even if her father is Valentine?" Rowan rasped, her voice barely above a whisper.

Alec nodded. "Like I said, She's still half of you - that's stronger than anything he will ever have." Placing a kiss in her hair, Alec sighed a happy relief. "Don't ever scare me like that again, got it?"

Rowan smiled softly through her tears at him.

He was staring at her. Just staring at her. He suddenly leaned in, and his fingers brushed her cheek. Warmth flooded her skin, and she frozen, waiting for him to pull back. He didn't. The tips of his fingers lingered on her cheek for a moment. Then, very slowly, his hand slipped forward, his palm brushing her skin. Frozen, she stared at him, watching his face, his expression, as his fingers moved from her cheek to her forehead to her chin, like a blind man tracing someone's features to see them in his mind.

"Alec ..."

He dropped his hand from her face, his gaze losing focus. "I thought we had lost you.. I kept replaying what I was going to tell her when she was older. Magnus, he ... " He couldn't say it.

Rowan silenced him with a soft, gentle kiss to his cheek.

"It's okay. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." Her hand went to his cheek, wiping away a single tear that had fallen from his beautiful eyes, his hand going over her's, holding it in place. "As long as I have a single breath left in me, I'm not going anywhere."


End file.
